Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Only if I have to.

I may or may not have come to my senses about blogging. (I'm unpredictable these days)
I love blogging. I really do.
I love the people. The stories. The blog family.
My life is just hectic.
The past three weeks have been insane. Between work, Conner visiting, getting engaged, and wedding planning, I feel like I have no time to breathe.
I have been stressed. I've been stressed for what seems like years now.
 I always knew something was wrong with my body. I just have chosen to do nothing about it, because last time I did, bad news came along with it.
Ever heard of PCOS?
Yeah, we think I have that. We are in the process of figuring it out. But the probability that I have it is like 99.9%.
 It explains the weight gain, the struggle I have to get that weight off, the no-mother-nature-visiting-monthly thing going on, and the mood swings. (And a whole bunch of other things)
PCOS- Polycystic ovary syndrome  is this "syndrome", and it has a whole bunch of side effects, but the main one is that you don't ovulate. And if you don't ovulate, you don't make babies. And if you don't make babies, there is no such thing as being a mommy.
That scares the crap out of me. My biggest desire for my future is to be a mom. Now, I know there are plenty of other way's to be a mom. But it still wipes out the getting prego thing that I've always wanted. I've always wanted to go to the store and buy a Pregnancy test, see the +, kiss my husband, rejoice that we are going to be parents, and come up with some creative way to tell the family. Will I have that? I don't know. But that's ok!
I went through the "Are you sure you want to marry me if I can't give you  babies" Stage. Now we are going through the "It will all be OK" stage.
It's kind of a day to day thing. Who knows, maybe it will all work out. Maybe it won't.
 It's our story though, and we are gonna embrace it.
We are blessed. We are well.
And we are going to embrace any trial or blessing the lord throws our way.

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